After fostering with an independent fostering agency for almost a decade, Dee and Rob decided to transfer to their local authority in Anglesey in 2020 and have been fostering with us, Foster Wales Anglesey, ever since.
Dee talks about their fostering journey, the reasons why they decided to transfer to us and why they are passionate about a particular type of specialist foster care.
when did you first start thinking about fostering?
“I had wanted to foster for a while, but as Rob, my husband, was in the air force, we were moving around quite a lot so it wasn’t possible at the time.
We spent some time in Germany and while we were there, we worked with a local charity that supported children from Belarus who had been affected by the Chernobil contanimation. We had children comng to stay with us for a month or so to spend some time surrounded by fresh air and good food to help extend their lives.
That was a short term initiative, which made me want to do more.”
when did you start fostering?
“When Rob left the airforce after 30 years sevice, we moved back to Anglesey and started discussing fostering with other members of the family. A family member gave me some information about fostering with an independent fostering agency so I contacted them, and we became foster carers in 2010.”
how was your experience of fostering with an agency and why did you want to transfer?
“As the fostering agency were based in Wrexham, we had to travel far to attend the training and shortly after we started fostering with them, the agency was bought out by a big International company. We soon realised that it was all about making money, and that the profit they were making wasn’t going back into the fostering service either.
We weren’t getting to meet other local foster carers, and having that community of local foster carers around you when you need that something extra is so important.
We weren’t happy there and we didn’t want to stay but every time we tried to hand in our notice, they managed to talk us out of it.
As we were fostering children from Anglesey, who are the legal resonsibility of the local authority, it made sense to cut out the ‘middle man’ and foster directly with our local authority.
The biggest factor that stopped us from transfering sooner was having to to the Form F again. It took a year to do it the first time but Foster Wales Anglesey are committed to make the transition as smooth and stress free as possible and aim to complete the Form F within 12 weeks. It’s not always possible of course but as we had a foster child living with us at the time, that helped in making the transition quicker.”
has fostering with your local authority met your expectations?
“Since joining the Foster Wales Anglesey team, I now feel that we aren’t far from anyone or anything that we need. We have that support network around us, close by.
If I need to see my Supervising Social Worker, who is fantastic, she will call by. If I need to pop into the office to see the team, they are only down the road.
The training is now on our doorstep too, which makes such a difference.
That feeling of being part of a fostering community is what it is all about. We love being part of the Anglesey Foster Care Association (AFCA), which is run by local foster families and being involved in arranging events and activities for local foster children and their families.
We now have a voice. We have support around and near us. We are part of a one big team.
I only wish we had transferred to our local authority sooner.”
tell us about your fostering experiences and why you have decided to specialise in parent and child fostering?
“We’ve done many different types of fostering over the years but we’ve specialised in parent and child fostering for a while now. It’s not always easy but I strongly believe in keeping families together, which is why we do it.
This type of fostering gives the parent, usually the mother, additional support whilst learning to cope with parenthood. It enables us to share our own parenting expereince with someone who really needs that support and guidance. After raising 3 children of our own, and having 4 grandchildren, the motherly instinct is still strong, which is another reason why I do it.
They normally come to live with us for up to 4 months until they can care for their child confidently on their own. This type of foster care can make all the difference in keeping families together.
Not all parent and child placements work out, but when they do, it is so rewarding.”
what are the challenges of parent and child fostering?
“Having another adult in your home can be difficult. It’s quite intense at times and there is a lot of admin and paperwork involved.
We try and give them as much privacy and space as they want, but when they are here, they are part of the family. They have their own sitting room and bathroom. We share the kitchen but they have their own fridge and their own food cupboard so that they can learn to live independently and on a budget.
When you foster a child, you are the primary carer and you are responsible for doing everything for that child. But when you do parent and child fostering, you have to let the parent do a lot of the caring. They may not do things the way you would, but you have to try and help them come up with their own routines and parenting styles.
I have monitors by my bed at night and if I see that the baby has not been fed or is in bed with the mother, I will get up and help. When we have young babies, there are cameras over the crib and by the feeding chair.
You can never switch off and relax. You are constantly on duty.
But knowing you have made a difference, no matter how small, makes it all worthwhile.”
what advice would you give to anyone who is about to start fostering?
“Nothing can really prepare you for fostering it until you do it.
When you get approved, you are so eager and excited to receive that first call, but all the training in the world will not prepare you for the reality of doing it.
You have this vision that you’re going to save all these children and keep all families together, and that all the children will love you – because why wouldn’t they want to come and live in your nice home?
But until you actually look at it from the foster children’s point of view, you can’t expect too much from them at first. No matter how awful their homes and lives were before they come to live with you, it was their home, their lives. It was what they knew and they may not want to be with you at first.
My main advice would be not to set your expectations too high. Take a step back. Let them come to you, let them suss you out and take things slowly, one day at a time.”
could you foster with your local authority?
If you live in Anglesey and feel that you could help build better futures for local children, contact Foster Wales Anglesey and a member of our dedicated team will be in touch for a friendly, no obligation conversation to help you decide if fostering is right for you.
If you live anywhere else in Wales, visit Foster Wales for more information and to find your local authority fostering team.
